OOM: Jim

[herr_bookman]

Two weeks pass in Los Santos, and Autor finds he's settling in nicely. Buster makes a lot of messes, true, but cleaning them up doesn't take too much time. Neither does cooking for the dog, or himself. He has plenty of time to devote to his studies for premed.

Wilford is rarely home, and when he is, he's quiet, which suits Autor just fine. The man never sleeps in his own bed. He zonks out in a chair or stays awake, staring at his laptop. Autor often prepares German pancakes and bacon with coffee for breakfasts, and Wilford seems to appreciate eating that in the mornings. He eats like a horse, Autor notices, which is also just fine. For a thousand dollars a week, cooking and cleaning is easy enough.

Autor hasn't done much exploring of Los Santos, and for good reason: people dress in chicken suits and drive tanks. He panics the first time someone pulls a gun, and so keeps to the house.

But he's running out of food. He has to go shopping. He leashes Buster reluctantly and leaves the house.

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[just_cant_lose]

Jim has been enjoying spending an extended period of time in Los Santos. He likes the sun, he likes being with Sherlock, he likes the stupid chaos of the place. He also likes the novelty of having a not-quite-friend to poke at when he's restless. And anyway, he wants to see whether the designer managed not to mess Wilford's house up.

The first time he comes by, there's a boy inside. Jim laughs, and readies himself to have a field day with this. He comes back the next day, and the boy's still there. A week later, and Jim could just go to the studio and ask Wilford about it but there's no fun in that at all. Particularly as the boy's face is one he's seen around Milliways.

So when he goes out today, Jim simply waits until he's gone around the corner and lets himself in. He slides his shades off, and goes for a wander around the place. It looks a million times better than the first time he was here, so he congratulates himself on that and heads into the kitchen to make himself a drink. A fruit smoothie, he thinks - both because it's hot, and also it means using the blender, and a chopping board, and generally making a bit of a mess.

Drink made, he heads out into the back garden and finds a lounger to...lounge on. Might as well catch some rays while he's waiting.

[herr_bookman]

Autor doesn't notice anything is amiss until he enters the kitchen. He stares at the mess on the counter, eyes wide, until he feels Buster nudge him.

Feeding the dog can wait. Someone has broken into the house. Autor stalks around, checking Wilford's vinyls and television and kitchen appliances, but nothing seems stolen or broken.

He heads to the stairs and checks everything on the second level, and again finds nothing was messed with but the blender, which is all gunked up.

Eventually, Autor makes his way to the outside of the house, to check the locks. He checks the front door, and the door from Wilford's office. Then he peeks into the back yard--and his heart stops.

He stomps up to the interloper, chin thrust out high and a glare on the boy's features. "What do you do here?"

[just_cant_lose]

Jim does not move. He is shirtless, eyes closed - but not asleep - the picture of indolent calm.

After a minute, he lifts his drink and takes a sip. Delicious.

‘You’re in my sun,’ he points out eventually, having set the glass down again without once opening his eyes.

[herr_bookman]

Autor grinds his teeth. "Herr Warfstache tell me to take trash out," he says, and points to the road. "Please to leave."

[just_cant_lose]

That earns a gentle huff of laughter.

'Please to leave? How about nein?'

Perhaps he's feeling magnanimous today, because he switches to flawless German.

'You're very rude to guests. Perhaps you should learn some manners.'

[herr_bookman]

Autor also switches to German, though his glare only intensifies. "You are not a guest. Herr Warfstache would have told me."

He whips out his phone and sends a text to Wilford in broken English: Man is here. He will not leave. He say he is guest.

[just_cant_lose]

'Wilford? Oh darling, if you should have learned anything by now, it's that he's utterly useless. The bigger question is-'

Jim cracks an eye open, and looks Autor up and down.

'-what's your name?'

[herr_bookman]

"I am not your darling," Autor says, his tone flat. Only Emcee gets to call Autor that. "Please leave."

He receives a response from Wilford immediately: Fucking shoot him. Autor blinks at the text, and replies, I own no gun.

[just_cant_lose]

'Let me guess, you're supposed to commit violence against me.'

Jim sounds bored. It doesn't stop a grin splitting his face a second later.

'You see, I know Wilford. And as you don't seem to understand the most basic of manners, I'll go first. My name's Jack.'

[herr_bookman]

"If you had manners, you wouldn't have gunked up the blender, Jack," Autor says, waiting on the next set of instructions from Wilford.

[just_cant_lose]

'Oh, he won't care about that.'

Jim notices the dog and grins again, looking remarkably like he's a person who loves dogs.

'Buster! C'mere, boy.'

Buster is an idiot, and comes straight over. Jim fed him for a long time, so he still counts as a good person, apparently. Jim even pats him now, scratches behind his ears, calls him a good boy...literally the most affection he's ever shown the mutt. Buster, predictably, loves it.

[herr_bookman]

Autor recieves nothing from Wilford, so the boy assumes that the man's either coming home to deal with this intruder, or he's too busy. Either way, Autor gives up, and retreats inside, completely ignoring "Jack." The ex-soldier locks the front door, though he's not sure that will help, and enters the kitchen to degunk the blender.

[just_cant_lose]

Wow. Seriously rude. Jim pretends to play with the dog a minute more, then gets up and pulls his shirt back on. There's a pair of shades in the pocket; he puts them on too, and wanders after Autor. When he gets into the kitchen, he pulls himself up to sit on the counter, feet dangling and heels knocking on the cupboard door.

'Never thought he'd get himself a live-in one. I wouldn't even say you're his type. I was starting to think he didn't have a type, except me.'

Jack is intrigued by this set-up. Jim thinks Wilford could have found literally anyone more interesting to look after the dog than this guy.

[herr_bookman]

All Jim, or Jack, or whatever he's calling himself, receives is a glower from Autor, and then the boy pretends the man doesn't exist. Autor runs water into the blender, and starts scrubbing out the remains of the fruit smoothie.

[just_cant_lose]

'The silent treatment? How very school playground of you.'

Jim doesn't like being ignored, but whatever. He whips his phone out too - Wilford has never given him his number, but like that would ever stop him - and sends a text of his own.

Tell the boy to stop being boring.

The implicit or I'll make my own entertainment will probably be clear. Jim hits 'send', secure in the knowledge that his number's untraceable, and hops down off the counter.

'Don't mind if I put some music on, do you? And the dog looks hungry. May I?'

Without waiting for an answer, he passes the fridge, opens the door and grabs a tub of leftover Korean food. Oops! Well, no matter, Autor. You won't need to clean it up, because Buster's right on that.

[herr_bookman]

Autor sighs, closing his eyes. He receives nothing from Wilford, so he's not quite sure how to proceed--aside from shooting Jack with a gun the boy doesn't have. He selects a sharp, non-serated knife from the carving block and brandishes it at Jack. "I don't want to attack you."

[just_cant_lose]

'Then don't.'

He tosses this over his shoulder, walking off to find the stereo. They need some really loud beats right about now, because Jack doesn't like things quiet and the random houseboy is being boring. He starts flicking through vinyl, utterly unconcerned about a mad German kid with a knife.

[herr_bookman]

Autor replaces the knife in the block and rinses off the blender. He picks up the licked-clean container of Korean food and throws that away. Then he brings out the mop and fills the bucket at the sink.

[just_cant_lose]

Jack finds a bit of a cheesy classic, and bops back into the kitchen with it blaring through the house.

'Oh, good thinking!' he says, hopping back up onto the counter.

'Excellent foresight.'

Because, right on cue...yep, there it is. Buster upchucks all over the floor. Jack wrinkles his nose, but looks extremely amused all the same.

'You really shouldn't feed him Korean stuff. Didn't Wil tell you?'

[herr_bookman]

Autor has never heard this song. He also wrinkles his nose at the dog puke, and turns to the counter to retrieve the paper towels. Using a liberal amount of them to scrub up the majority of it, he then dunks the mop into the bucket.

[just_cant_lose]

'You're very good at this. Is this your main job and you just keep him happy on the side, or do you do the cleaning as a side gig?'

Jack is a total bitch, if that weren't obvious.

'I suppose it's better you use the bedroom than the dog.'

(He's still nicer than Jim, though.)

[herr_bookman]

Autor washes his hands and mops the floor, ignoring the aspersions being cast his way. He radiates patience. After rinsing out the mop and washing out the bucket, he leans against the counter and crosses his skinny arms across his chest.

[just_cant_lose]

Patient people are so funny. Jim enjoys poking at the cracks in people like that - as long as there's something interesting to break into, of course. He takes his shades off and tilts his head, watching Autor's face with a slight smile on his own. The song comes to an end, and silence settles back over the house. Jim doesn't seem to care, or even notice.

[cottoncandypink]

Wilford could just about strangle Nichola. The horrible woman insisted he stay and see something through, and now there's some stupid motherfucker in his house doing stupid motherfucker things.

When he comes in, it's not through the front door, but from the stairs in the back. And he walks in to see this scene before him. He looks at Jim, then at Autor, and throws his hands into the air.

"I fucking told you to shoot him."

[herr_bookman]

"I own no gun," Autor says in English. He's still got his arms crossed over his chest, but he stands up straight when he spots his employer. "Jack is good to shoot."