herr_bookman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
herr_bookman) wrote2014-10-30 11:18 pm
herr_bookman) wrote2014-10-30 11:18 pm
OOM: The Morning After
Autor wakes the morning after his drunken escapades with a crushing headache, nausea, and a fierce thirst. He shuts the curtains and turns over in bed again, not ready to face the day.
The second time he awakes, it's less a morning after than an afternoon. The first thing he notices is that his ankle has been healed. Rae, he thinks, and a sharp pain lances across his chest. He remembers snatches, feelings; in general, he had a great, though likely embarrassing time, but thinking on his final moments with Rae nearly takes his breath away, crushing him with guilt. Damn.
He sits up, finds his glasses, and fumbles in his pocket for his rememberizer, a blue compact. He opens the device and settles back to watch what alcohol had made him forget--and learn whom he owes apologies to.
The boy's blush starts up right off the bat. He snickers at Bonnie's song, humming along. Autor groans at his being so tactile with Gavroche and Yugo, not to mention crawling into Joly's lap and nuzzling his shoulder. He's relieved that he doesn't appear to have done anything too embarrassing in front of his Pai Sho teacher, Asami, but Miss Kuriyama is another matter entirely. Autor's time with Enzo is ridiculous, and he shakes his head. The boy nearly chokes when he watches himself give his first kiss away to Jay, of all people, and the subsequent make out session. Shiva wept.
Finally, he draws a deep breath, and watches his brief conversation with Dr. Lecter. The boy cringes when he pats the man on the shoulder, and draws a shuddering breath at Rae's stricken look. He sees Dr. Lecter pat him on the cheek, and covers his mouth in his horrified revulsion. Guilt courses through him, and he has to set the rememberizer down.
Autor gets a drink. He takes a long, hot shower. He does his laundry, works on some writing, tidies his room, makes a timeline of his and Dr. Lecter's interactions to figure out what the hell changed--anything to keep from watching what he knows comes next.
Finally, he forces himself to pick up the rememberizer. It feels heavy and cold in his shaky hand, like a smooth river stone. He opens it, and watches Rae break down again and again.
"Do you just... tell me what I want to hear, and then go on doing the opposite? You've promised me multiple times that you'd stay away from him, and yet... that's not what you do," Rae pleads, and Autor flinches watching. He cringes again at watching himself attempt to mollify her, his many useless apologies and the kiss to her cheek. He bites his knuckle at her tears.
I've broken her trust, he knows, swallowing hard. And I don't know how to repair it. Oh, Rae.
The boy shuts the rememberizer on Rae's teary face, laying back on his bed and throwing an arm over his closed eyes. He thinks back, wondering when his fear of Hannibal Lecter went away, wondering why, and how the situation got so bad. Autor makes a plan: look through his dossiers, avoid the bastard, and figure out how to apologize to Rae--in a manner that doesn't involve broken promises, and does involve the start of amends made.
Autor has work to do. He'll get to it after he stops the tears from stinging his eyes.
The second time he awakes, it's less a morning after than an afternoon. The first thing he notices is that his ankle has been healed. Rae, he thinks, and a sharp pain lances across his chest. He remembers snatches, feelings; in general, he had a great, though likely embarrassing time, but thinking on his final moments with Rae nearly takes his breath away, crushing him with guilt. Damn.
He sits up, finds his glasses, and fumbles in his pocket for his rememberizer, a blue compact. He opens the device and settles back to watch what alcohol had made him forget--and learn whom he owes apologies to.
The boy's blush starts up right off the bat. He snickers at Bonnie's song, humming along. Autor groans at his being so tactile with Gavroche and Yugo, not to mention crawling into Joly's lap and nuzzling his shoulder. He's relieved that he doesn't appear to have done anything too embarrassing in front of his Pai Sho teacher, Asami, but Miss Kuriyama is another matter entirely. Autor's time with Enzo is ridiculous, and he shakes his head. The boy nearly chokes when he watches himself give his first kiss away to Jay, of all people, and the subsequent make out session. Shiva wept.
Finally, he draws a deep breath, and watches his brief conversation with Dr. Lecter. The boy cringes when he pats the man on the shoulder, and draws a shuddering breath at Rae's stricken look. He sees Dr. Lecter pat him on the cheek, and covers his mouth in his horrified revulsion. Guilt courses through him, and he has to set the rememberizer down.
Autor gets a drink. He takes a long, hot shower. He does his laundry, works on some writing, tidies his room, makes a timeline of his and Dr. Lecter's interactions to figure out what the hell changed--anything to keep from watching what he knows comes next.
Finally, he forces himself to pick up the rememberizer. It feels heavy and cold in his shaky hand, like a smooth river stone. He opens it, and watches Rae break down again and again.
"Do you just... tell me what I want to hear, and then go on doing the opposite? You've promised me multiple times that you'd stay away from him, and yet... that's not what you do," Rae pleads, and Autor flinches watching. He cringes again at watching himself attempt to mollify her, his many useless apologies and the kiss to her cheek. He bites his knuckle at her tears.
I've broken her trust, he knows, swallowing hard. And I don't know how to repair it. Oh, Rae.
The boy shuts the rememberizer on Rae's teary face, laying back on his bed and throwing an arm over his closed eyes. He thinks back, wondering when his fear of Hannibal Lecter went away, wondering why, and how the situation got so bad. Autor makes a plan: look through his dossiers, avoid the bastard, and figure out how to apologize to Rae--in a manner that doesn't involve broken promises, and does involve the start of amends made.
Autor has work to do. He'll get to it after he stops the tears from stinging his eyes.
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